Raising the Strong Willed Child

When our youngest was kindergarten age, several of the other mothers at school started suggesting books like Your Strong Willed Child.  I read them and laughed.  They might have worked on some children, I suppose.

Little Go To It liked to ski straight down the hill.  In her puffy green jacket and panda bear hat, all I could do was holler “Watch out for that ski lift pole!”  Pretty much everything was hell bent.  Screaming down our cul de sac on her bike, she forgot to brake and ran into a car, breaking her knee while we had a baby sitter.  

Wasn’t the only time.

After school sometimes she’d go into the office and ask Mrs. LaDuca if she could have the rest of the Costco muffin tray that someone brought in that morning.  Mrs. LaDuca nodded, rather surpised that Little Go To It could eat them all, but Go To It wouldn’t eat them herself.  She’d take them out to the carpool lane where parents were picking up kids and sell them.  Then into the basketball game and sell the rest.  She’d give the money to the school or buy a book for the library. At least that’s what she told me she did with the money.

Her fourth grade teacher wrote on her end of the year report card: “…has made such progress this year!  She used to come in from recess and say ‘MOVE’ to the other kids that were in her way.  Now she bellows ‘EXCUSE ME!’”

When she finally left that small private school and moved to public school, they gave her some tests to see where to place her.  One of them was a creativity test.  I asked what was involved with that.  The administrator said that the child is given a box to draw in.  Inside the box is pre-printed something like you or I might have drawn for a seagull flying away into the sunset.  You know, sort of like a cursive “M”.  Two humps.  If the child draws seagulls flying away into the sunset, well…not very creative.

When Go To It came out we asked her about this. 

“What did you draw?” we asked.

“Well, I drew a man.  Fixing the pipes under the sink.  You know.  A plumber.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.  You can’t see much of him.  Only the part that you can usually see on plumbers. Don’t blame me, they had already put in the butt crack.  You know, two humps. I made sure they got it by drawing a tool box next to him with the name Rising Moon Plumbing Company.”

My guess is that she passed.

All grown up know, as an event coordinator, she has to have plenty of creativity.  Even in the Army, she better have creativity, for she helps her company plan parties for family welfare and recreation. One must come up with great ideas on a shoestring.  And I’m thinking, that since she’s in the Army, it is also good that she knows how to say MOVE or EXCUSE ME when she has to.

I couldn’t be prouder.

Where Have All the Children Gone?

As I drive by parks, I never see any children.  Oh, there are the few toddlers now and again with the nannies who tend to be talking or texting on their cells.  But elementary school kids playing without structure or adults watching?  It doesn’t happen anymore.

We’ve heard so much about “Stranger Danger” that few parents will let their children out unsupervised.  Doris Bergen, in her article entitled “Play as the Learning Medium for Future Scientists, Mathematicians, and Engineers” in the American Journal of Play, says: “In recent years, playful methods of learning have almost disappeared from school classrooms, and active, creative, extended playtimes during recess, at home, and in neighborhoods have also greatly diminished. This disappearance of play is especially unfortunate because it is happening at the very time that professionals in many scientific, mathematical, and engineering fields articulate the need for creative and innovative thinkers in their professions and advocate for the use of playful learning methods to assist students in developing the intellectual abilities required for excellence in these fields.”

Oh sure, there are plenty of structured sports.  There are many parents who sign up their children for sports simply to help build their resumés.  Camps have changed from learning to swim, water ski, canoe or horseback ride to offering more sedentary courses that look good on a college application.

Play is not so important because it can be used to teach a specific set of skills, such as dribbling a ball.  Rather it is important because it is the way in which children can develop their ability to problem solve, how they express themselves, and learn to communicate. Basically it is the medium by which they grow.

Researchers believe that there is a correlation between a child’s playfulness and creativity.  Can the next Leonardo DaVinci be arise in empty playgrounds, soccer camps, or from playing computer games?

How can we best let children have free play in our modern society where we don’t dare let them out?