I know a guy who tries to be a leader in a group of
teenagers by pushing them around. Pushing
teenagers is like trying to push a string.
They fold up.
Another guy I know works with teenagers too on the Sea Scout
Ship Odyssey. He knows a lot about his
field, and will demonstrate it and show them when asked. He gives them rough outlines on what to do,
then reiterates with expectations.
Following that, he turns them loose, becoming the safety net should they
need it.
I’ve been on many a sail as the
cook, and love watching these kids come in as giggly fourteen year olds and
morph into empowered youth who can sail among the freighters of Puget Sound and
around rocks of the San Juan Islands.
Lao Tzu said to start with what people know, then build on
that. The goal is to
let the people do things themselves.
When our daughters were twelve, they asked for money for all
sorts of things, including birthday presents for friends, special shampoo, and
snacks. It was a constant effort to
evaluate their needs and the budget.
After much thought and number crunching, we finally came up with a
figure that covered their monthly needs, including some mandatory offerings at
church, savings, and school supplies. It
wound up being $100 per month. This
seemed like an insane amount of money to turn over to a twelve and fourteen year
old.
I imagined in two months we were going to see piles of
earrings, new clothes and magazines.
We continued to counsel them and drew out plans for what
they might use their money on, but did not insist that they do it. Well, except for putting some in the basket
at church.
Not long after my daughter and I were at the store and she asked
to go up the hair care aisle as she needed some shampoo. I suggested that she purchase a certain
brand. Shocked, she stated, “Mom I can’t
afford that brand. I’ll get this one, it
is good enough.”
To me it was like her leaping from one trapeze to the next
and successfully completing a triple summersault in mid-air.
One of the obligations on the Odyssey is that the youth have
to take command of the boat for 40 hours.
Once they have done that, they are never the same, and I love watching
them walk over that bridge. They light
my way by their bright flames.
